From Self-Love to Danger: The Rise of Narcissism
Unmasking the Perils of Excessive Self-Absorption in Modern Society
No, you may not be as important as you think you are. You might surround yourself with people who flatter you while taking advantage of you, isolate anyone who disagrees with you, create a false self-image in your mind, and blame others for your failures and suffering. But no, you may not be as important as you believe, and your opinion on a topic you know little about doesn’t carry weight.
The above paragraph, although 100% real, today, in an era where everything is reversed, it would be attacked like hell.
Definition of Narcissism
I won’t use official terms, as I’m not a psychologist, so I’ll stick to simple language.
However, let’s make a parenthesis here: having a psychology degree doesn’t necessarily make you a psychologist. Actively practicing psychology does. Clinical experience and published research make you a more effective psychologist. However, we shouldn’t overlook the fact that psychologists also bear some responsibility for the increase in narcissism and other mental diseases. I highly recommend reading Abigail’s book Bad Therapy.
Now let’s continue…
Narcissism is understood as a self-centred behaviour that can range from healthy self-esteem to harmful traits, such as a lack of empathy and an inflated sense of self-importance. It is a state where individualism is prioritized, often putting oneself first.
Philosophically, narcissism is seen as a moral failing, where personal gratification is prioritized over ethical considerations, leading to a failure to confront reality and a lack of genuine connection with others.
Narcissism can serve as a defence mechanism against anxiety, often characterizing people with extremely low self-esteem who are unable to recognize that their suffering comes from within. Alternatively, Narcissism, can describe individuals who are competent, successful, and high-achieving, where arrogance begins to dominate their behaviour.
Let me be clear: we all exhibit narcissistic traits to some degree. The problem lies in the extent of that narcissism.
The Psychological Impact of Narcissism
Effects on the Individual
Narcissism has profound effects on a person’s mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. At its core, narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. While these traits might seem advantageous in the short term, they often lead to significant psychological and social challenges.
We need to make two distinctions here:
First, starting with mythology, Narcissus was handsome and fell in love with himself. This type of narcissism occurs in people who are genuinely good at something and then become enamoured with themselves, placing themselves on a pedestal and exaggerating their abilities to an unnatural level, even in areas where they lack skill.
The second category includes people with low self-esteem and little or no skills, who use narcissism as a defence mechanism to cover their incompetence. This second category is the one I find difficult to tolerate.
Narcissism will continue to grow until it ultimately destroys you, unless you take action to address it. The less you confront your true self, the more narcissism will take hold. A lack of responsibility and accountability are direct consequences of unchecked narcissism.
Narcissism make the already vulnerable self-esteem even more fragile, that is also highly dependent on external validation. Narcissists often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability beneath their confident exterior. This leads to anxiety, depression, and intense feelings of shame or humiliation when they don’t receive the admiration or recognition they crave.
Their inability to cope with criticism or perceived failures can result in emotional instability, with mood swings and a propensity for anger or rage.
In relationships, narcissism can be particularly damaging, as family members may feel undervalued, neglected, or emotionally drained, leading to conflict, resentment, and eventually the breakdown of these relationships. Interestingly, a person who has been a victim of narcissistic behaviour, especially if they have low self-esteem, can easily become a narcissist themselves as a way to protect their own fragile self-image. This lack of self-reflection and analysis leads to unresolved issues, resentment, and the creation of a self-image that doesn’t reflect reality.
As a result, they may transition from being the victim to becoming the perpetrator, perpetuating the cycle of narcissism.
Overall, the well-being of a person with narcissistic tendencies is often compromised. While they may appear successful or confident on the surface, their internal world is often fraught with insecurity, low self-esteem and dissatisfaction. In the long run, the effects of narcissism can lead to a cycle of destructive behaviour that undermines both their personal and professional lives, leaving them with a deep sense of emptiness and discontent.
Impact on Others
Friends
Narcissists often maintain friendships that serve their need for admiration and validation rather than genuine connection.
They tend to reject friendships that challenge them and keep those that reinforce their self-image. As a result, their friendships often become superficial, with the narcissist prioritizing their own needs over the needs of their friends.
Friends may feel emotionally drained by the narcissist's constant need for attention and validation. The narcissist's tendency to dominate conversations and make everything about themselves can leave friends feeling undervalued and neglected.
Narcissists, the intelligent ones, may manipulate their friends to maintain control, often using guilt or other emotional tactics to keep them in line.
However, narcissists can also be easily exploited by intelligent individuals.
Often, you’ll see a so-called 'friend' taking advantage of a narcissist by feeding them the validation they crave, posing as a supportive friend, but in reality, exploiting them mentally, emotionally, financially, and sometimes even physically.
A recent example from my close environment illustrates this well. A 'friend' of a soon-to-be-narcissist (the low self-esteem type), a friend who is someone with a dominant personality and intelligent, has been feeding the narcissist's sense of grandiosity for a period of a few years, constantly telling them how great they are and how much they can achieve, pushing them towards a different direction in life. This flattery led the soon-to-be-narcissist to share everything with them, boosting their ego even more. To strengthen their control, this 'friend' eventually isolated the narcissist to strengthen the bond and began to manipulate them, blackmailing them in a sense to ensure they shared everything. The narcissist, driven by their need to keep this 'best friend,' unconsciously went along with it. In the end, this 'friend' not only destroyed the narcissist's family but also converted them to an opposing ideology, reinforcing all the narcissistic traits like such as lack of responsibility, accountability, and honesty. And as these traits are amplified, the narcissist pushes reality and truth further into their subconscious, weakening their self-esteem and trapping themselves in a false self-image.
So, if you're savvy and know how to manage a narcissist, you can easily turn them into a pawn in your game. This is especially common with actors and politicians.
Family
Similarly, within a family, narcissistic behaviour can lead to strained relationships and conflict. The narcissist may expect family members to prioritize their needs above all else, which creates resentment and tension.
They often feel entitled to unconditional love, expecting their family to cater to their every whim, flatter them, unconditionally accept their mistakes, and keep them on a pedestal.
The lack of empathy, inherent in narcissism, can be particularly harmful within a family context, where emotional support and understanding are essential. Family members may feel unsupported and unloved, leading to emotional distance.
When a parent exhibits narcissistic behaviour, it can have long-lasting effects on their children.
Children of narcissistic parents may struggle with self-esteem issues, anxiety, and difficulty forming healthy relationships as they grow up.
This is because a narcissistic parent often won’t listen to the child, will impose their own opinions, overprotect them, and engage in other controlling behaviours.
Colleagues
Narcissists in the workplace can create a toxic environment by undermining colleagues, taking credit for others' work, and engaging in office politics to advance their own agenda. This behaviour will eventually lead to a lack of trust and cooperation among team members.
Colleagues will also find it challenging to collaborate with a narcissist, as the narcissist is likely to prioritize their own ideas and opinions over those of others. This can stifle creativity and innovation within the team, as they may react negatively to anything that challenges their perceived expertise.
It’s important to remind you again that a ‘victim’ of narcissism, particularly someone with low self-esteem, can often become a narcissist themselves, especially under the influence of manipulative friends and unqualified, overly progressive psychotherapists.
Social and Cultural Consequences
Since narcissists will prioritize their own needs over those of others, leading to manipulative, deceitful, or exploitative behaviour, they will erode trust within a community. Especially if the narcissist is an intelligent person. Their self-serving attitude and inconsistency make them unreliable, causing others to feel they cannot depend on them for support or honesty. As trust diminishes, the integrity of the community suffers, leading to guarded interactions, a breakdown in open communication, and ultimately, a loss of social cohesion, leaving individuals more isolated and disconnected.
This absence of understanding and compassion fosters increased conflict and misunderstanding, making it difficult to resolve disputes or appreciate diverse perspectives, resulting in a more divisive and hostile environment.
Vulnerable members of the community, such as the elderly or economically disadvantaged, are particularly neglected, as narcissists are less likely to offer support unless it benefits them directly, further eroding empathy and compassion within the community.
Narcissism's focus on individual success and recognition undermines cooperation within communities, leading to competition rather than collaboration. Narcissistic individuals may sabotage group efforts if they feel underappreciated, spreading dissent and refusing to participate, which disrupts the community's ability to achieve shared goals. This behaviour diminishes social capital by creating divisions and reducing trust, weakening the community's resilience and its ability to respond to challenges collectively.
The Dangers
Narcissistic leaders in politics, business, and other areas of influence pose significant dangers due to their self-centered decision-making, lack of empathy, and prioritization of personal power over the common good. Their need for admiration and dominance can lead to authoritarian behaviours, undermining democratic processes and ethical standards. In business, such leaders may prioritize short-term gains and personal accolades over long-term sustainability and the well-being of employees and stakeholders.
Their inability to accept criticism or collaborate effectively can result in poor decision-making, organizational instability, and a toxic work culture.
Narcissism also contributes to societal division, conflict, and the breakdown of civil discourse by fostering an environment where self-interest, ego, and a lack of empathy dominate interactions. In a narcissistic society, individuals and groups become more entrenched in their views (no matter if they are right or wrong), prioritizing personal or ideological superiority over constructive dialogue and mutual understanding. This self-centeredness undermines the willingness to engage in respectful debate or consider opposing perspectives, leading to increased polarization and conflict. As narcissism erodes the capacity for empathy and compromise, civil discourse deteriorates, making it difficult to resolve differences peacefully and collaboratively, ultimately weakening the social fabric and deepening divisions within society.
How to address the Rise of Narcissism?
The first step to addressing narcissism is fostering healthy self-esteem, which involves developing a balanced and realistic sense of self-worth. When we have healthy self-esteem, we recognize our strengths and weaknesses, accept ourselves while acknowledging areas for growth, and form meaningful relationships based on mutual respect.
Educating people, especially from a young age, about the difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism is crucial. We must promote self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and empathy to help individuals develop a realistic and balanced self-view.
In today's digital age, where social media often glorifies narcissistic behaviour, this education becomes even more essential.
It's important to encourage people to find satisfaction in personal growth, learning, and relationships rather than relying only on external validation. We should strive to balance the focus between external markers of success (such as wealth, fame, or appearance) and internal values (like kindness, integrity, and resilience), as they are deeply interconnected.
Parenting that balances support with appropriate boundaries is vital for developing healthy self-esteem.
Overpraising children or shielding them from all criticism can foster narcissistic traits, whereas a balanced approach that encourages self-reflection and resilience promotes healthy self-esteem.
These are just a few suggestions, but the concept of 'self-knowledge' encompasses everything we need. As Carl Jung said, listen to the little voice within, that’s your consience.
Conclusion
If we look at our society today, don't we see extreme polarization? The question is, why do governments, along with psychologists, support narcissism? Why should accepting everything someone does be considered okay?
Obesity is normalized, sexual perversion is accepted, racism towards whites is tolerated, meritocracy is criticized, and the list goes on.
These actions only create further extremes, fuelling narcissism and leading to increased radicalization, an inability to discuss and communicate, a lack of responsibility and accountability, and other negative consequences. This is a recipe for civil unrest.
In conclusion, the rise of narcissism, fuelled by a culture that increasingly celebrates uncritical self-love and external validation, poses significant dangers to both individuals and society.
While healthy self-esteem is essential, the shift from genuine self-respect to excessive self-absorption creates unhealthy, false self-images, superficial relationships, stifled creativity, and a lack of accountability.
To counteract this trend, it's crucial to promote balanced self-worth, rooted in self-awareness, self-knowledge, empathy, and intrinsic values. By addressing the underlying causes of narcissism and encouraging a culture that values authentic connections and genuine personal growth, we can mitigate the risks associated with the rise of narcissism.
As I mentioned at the beginning, we all exhibit narcissistic behaviours to some extent, and that's okay—nobody is perfect. However, it's crucial that we keep it under control.
Beautiful, I never got more insight about narcissism up until now.